Perfect Love Connection, The

by Randell, Carol

Beyond Disappointment

The following psalm depicts the misery of life and the joy of trusting in God: “They cried unto thee, and were delivered: they trusted in thee, and were not confounded. But I am a worm, and no man; a reproach of men, and despised of the people. All they that see me laugh me to scorn: they shoot out the lip, they shake the head, saying, he trusted on the Lord that he would deliver him: let him deliver him, seeing he delighted in him. But thou art he that took me out of the womb: thou didst make me hope when I was upon my mother’s breasts. I was cast upon thee from the womb: thou art my God from my mother’s belly. Be not far from me; for trouble is near; for there is none to help” (Ps. 22:5–11).

Disappointment often occurs when our desires, hopes, or expectations are unfulfilled. When I was younger, people told me repeatedly that I was born on a bad date. What’s wrong with October 22? I thought. As I grew older, I learned about the Great Disappointment that occurred on October 22, 1844, when many Advent believers thought Christ would return and take them to heaven. In the days and weeks after October 22, some of the believers lost faith and gave up on God, while others diligently searched the Scriptures for truth.

I can imagine how those people must have felt. I, too, have expected and anticipated something good at times only to find that things didn’t work out as I had hoped they would. I have experienced disappointments in my life, and I want to share some of my thoughts and life lessons as related to relationships.

Relationships are the most valuable asset we have here on earth. Family is valuable and important. However, relationships sometimes fall apart no matter how hard we work to keep them together. In order to succeed, God must be the center of the home. The challenge is when your faith grows weak because of so many failed relationships, which is what began to happen in my life. I lacked understanding of what a true relationship looked like. I wanted to be loved by my earthly father, but because of the hurt I experienced from my father, I began to doubt my relationship with my heavenly Father, and I felt that He didn’t care either.

“God,” I cried out, “can’t You see the tears and hear my pleas as my husband continues to drink and upset our home. This is definitely not what I want for my life; I don’t want it to be a repeat of what I grew up with. Have mercy on me, Lord, for I did not let You take the lead in my choice of a marriage partner, and my life is a mess.”

I began to realize that anything outside of God’s plan is unfulfilling and dark. It may seem like fun for a while, but when we come to our senses, we realize what an awful mess we are in that only God is qualified to deal with. “Oh ye of little faith,” Jesus often told His disciples. I am afraid I fall into this same condition. I lack faith and trust in God over certain areas of my life. And because of this, I have experienced some severe consequences in which divine intervention has been called upon to heal. Even as I write this I still feel the hand of God healing me in areas of my life that only He can reach. So be encouraged. You may have wounds from current or past relationships that you feel will never heal, but God can heal you and make you whole.

Roman 8:28 is a wonderful promise to hold on to when faced with the challenges of life: “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” We must also remember that the Bible says, “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” (Phil. 4:13). If we submit to God and allow Him to make some necessary changes in our lives, maybe our outlook won’t be so disappointing. And even if our current circumstances may appear disappointing, you can rest assured that if you love God He is working it out for your good.

Finding a Good Man

During my childhood God spoke to me through dreams and showed me some dark places in my life where sin had taken hold of me. I thought I was a pretty good person, but He began to call me to Himself and show me how I would turn out if I did not choose Him. I had multiple dreams about the judgment day, and every time I was lost. In these dreams I heard God speaking, telling me, that this would be my destiny without Him. You see, many of us grow up believing that if we are good we will be rewarded. Although as humans it is nice to reward good behavior, God reminds us that all our righteousness is as filthy rags.

Thinking about these dreams prompted me, at the young age of fourteen, to surrender my heart to God. It was the very best decision I made. Although I didn’t realize that I needed to totally surrender to God and let Him be the leader of my life. I accepted salvation, but I had problems giving Him complete control.

Even today, after serving God for thirty-six years, it is an area I still need to improve. Through all my good and bad choices, God has been faithful. I ask myself why I haven’t gotten kicked to the curb yet, but then I remember that God is not like humans. People say that “a good man is hard to find.” But I disagree because God has proven to be that good Man! I am so thankful to have a good Man in my life who loves me unconditionally; looks on the inside, not the outside; and is patient, kind, longsuffering, gentle, and merciful. Who doesn’t want a man like that?

Still Looking

There is an old saying about looking for love in all the wrong places. As I thought about what that meant, I came up with some wrong places to find a man. One is in a club, especially if you are a Christian. When making decisions, God asks us to use our brain and apply the principles in His Word. If you are looking for someone with Christian values, then you need to go to places where you can meet other Christians.

Of course, what makes us think we have to go looking in the first place? Did Adam wander around the garden looking for Eve? No. He talked with God, and when he realized his need of a companion, God provided for that need. Therein lies the solution: seek God first, and all the other things we need will be given to us.

It’s hard to find a good man or woman these days, especially when I consider the word good from a biblical perspective: “There is none good but one, that is, God” (Mark 10:18). So since there are no good men or women, what is the point of looking? I encourage anyone looking for a spouse to look to God. He is good, and He will direct you to the person who is also looking for Him and who will be compatible with you.

Have you ever gone grocery shopping when you are hungry? What do you choose to buy? Everything! Because everything looks good when you are hungry. Just this week I went shopping when I was hungry, and I bought cookies, candy, and other snacks with little nutritional value. Yes, all of it tasted good, but none of it was good for me!

Only God in His wisdom knows who is the best person to be your spouse and to help you reach your long-term goal of heaven. Eternity is at stake, and a godly or ungodly spouse can make the difference in helping you to stay focused on Christ or pulling you away and leading you down a path of destruction. Your choices on this earth will dictate where you spend eternity.

It has been my experience that human flesh cannot be trusted. I have depended on myself to make decisions, and things have turned out horrible. We have to die daily to ourselves and allow the Spirit of God to live in us and guide us. Pray, fast, and pray and fast some more. Satan wants to destroy the family. He wants to destroy the values that are passed down from generation to generation in loving homes.

In addition to asking God to guide you to the right person, take time to get to know the person. See if his or her characteristics match that of Christ. Spend quality time talking together to see if you are compatible with one another. After all, marriage is a lifetime commitment.

Although you should look at the qualities of the other person, ultimately trust God to make the final selection. Trust God and look to Him for guidance. If you seek to follow God’s will for your life, God will select someone whose purpose is to glorify Him.

It is God’s desire that we are happy and that we follow His will, because He has our best interest in mind. In fact, the Bible says, “He maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust” (Matt. 5:45). Sadly, so often we blame God for our disappointments, even though we have chosen not to listen to Him. We must also remember that we are living in a sinful world and that bad things will happen to good people. There is a philosophy that if we follow Christ nothing bad will happen to us. However, as long as we live here on this sinful planet, life will be full of problems.

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